Hub Arkush

Why Hub?

Why the hell not?

Does anyone actually subscribe to Pro Football Weakly?  Has anybody actually read an issue since, oh, 1997?

Mike North

So a guy offers you six figures to do a radio show on the Interwebs and tells you to round up all of the “talent” that can’t hack it on real Chicago radio and it turns out to be a scam?

Gee, who ever saw that coming?

Carlos Zambrano

Yes, Carlos was a dumbass for freaking out when Nyjer Morgan of the Pirates was called safe scoring on a wild pitch.  He was also a dumbass for throwing his glove at the dugout and trying to throw the ball into the bleachers from home plate.

But he was not a dumbass for two other things.

First, because he was shocked to be tossed for “bumping” an umpire, when the umpire bumped him first (and even at that they barely touched), it was awesome to see Carlos throw the umpire out of the game.

And later, Carlos took a bat to the Gatorade machine in the Cubs dugout.  Why was that awesome?  Because the idea of having fountain beverages in a big league dugout is just fucking stupid.  I hope when Milton Bradley inevitably takes his frustrations out on the machine that he pulls it from the wall and throws it onto the field.

Chad Fox

Holy shit, how many career ending injuries do you have to suffer before you actually end your career?

Joe Morgan

Joe was at his irrational best on Sunday night.  Among his highlights, he said that Hank Aaron hit mostly groundballs, he used the word “circumvent” though he didn’t know what it meant, he talked about how Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot played minor league baseball together in “Ohio” (it was Iowa, but who can tell those two stays apart), he claimed that you can’t play middle infield unless you can dance, and he intimated that the Brewers will make up for the loss of CC Sabathia and Ben Sheets by teaching them how to pitch.

And you know what, this was one of Joe’s “good” days.

Cubs Infield

Seriously, all four of you assholes made an error in game two?

I know it’s hard to field with your arms around your throat.

Ryan Dempster

You pick game one of the playoffs to set your new personal “best” with seven walks?

Dumbass.

Elias Coblentz

Why Elias?

This is why.

http://www.desipio.com/?p=1474

Dumbass.

Tommy Lasorda

Holy shit.  Shut the fuck up.  Seriously.

Larry Bowa

Holy shit, dude.  Calm down.  Last week you went apeshit over baseball forcing you to wear a helmet while you coach third base.  Last night you practically shat yourself when Ed Montague told you to actually stand in the third base coaching box.  You not only got tossed from the game, you got suspended for three games.  Get a grip, tough guy.  We remember when you were a 140 pound dancing fairy singlehandedly killing rallies all through 1984.

You were pretty menacing.